Synopsis
Three young, blonde triplets hold a sign introducing the first scene: Palace of Minstrel. A minstrel chorus sings and dances [Bones and Tambourines]. Jack Benny enters and introduces Conrad Nagel as the Interlocutor. Nagel starts to introduce Charles King, but is interrupted by King himself. To apologize, King asks the chorus to name the screen’s greatest lover. Before they can answer, Cliff Edwards enters and declares it is he. Edwards plays his ukulele and sings scat. Benny re-enters and takes away Nagel, leaving Edwards to discover he has no audience. He exits and the curtain closes.
Nagel introduces Joan Crawford, who sings and dances, supported by the Biltmore Quartet [Gotta Feelin’ for You].
Charles King and a dancing chorus performs [Minstrel Days]. June Purcell sings [Low Down Rhythm] and Joyce Murray performs a toe dance.
Conrad Nagel returns, with Charles King as Mr Bones and Cliff Edwards as Mr Tambo. After an exchange with Edwards, Nagel introduces King. [Your Mother and Mine]. King tells Nagel that, as a screen lover, he will now need to use words and music, and reminds him of the serenade to Anita Page in The Broadway Melody. He tells Nagel he is handicapped. Anita Page enters and Nagel serenades her [You Were Meant For Me]. King is astonished, shrinks to a tiny figure and storms off.
Jack Benny makes a risqué remark to Ann Dvorak, who slaps him. Benny introduces Cliff Edwards, who demands a bigger build up. [Nobody But You]. The chorus dances.
Benny returns and plays his violin. He is interrupted by Karl Dane and George K Arthur, dressed as sailors and laying a red carpet. Benny resumes [Your Mother and Mine], so Dane and Arthur roll up the carpet and carry it and Benny away. Benny returns with a cello, but the curtain closes.
Benny and William Haines exchange comic remarks while Haines destroys Benny’s tuxedo. Gwen Lee enters: Haines whispers to her and she slaps Benny. Haimes and Lee leave and a disheveled Benny takes a miniature Bessie Love from his pocket. She grows to her normal size. Bessie Love talks about the demands of talking pictures, then sings and dances with chorus boys. [I Never Knew I Could Do a Thing Like That].
Jack Benny enters wearing a suit of armour. The curtains open and Conrad Nagel introduces Queen Marie Dressler and Princess Polly Moran. Dressler slaps Benny but hurts her hand on the armour. Dressler sings. [For I’m the Queen].
Jack Benny enters in his normal clothes. While he is making an introduction, the curtains open to reveal Laurel and Hardy setting up a magic act. Benny leaves and Laurel and Hardy perform a skit which ends with Hardy and Benny covered in cake. Benny introduces Marion Davies, who enters in miniature through the legs of a line of soldiers. She is in military uniform, and sings and dances. [Tommy Atkins on Parade].
The Brox Sisters enter dressed as toy soldiers and sing while the chorus marches and dances. [Strike Up the Band]. The curtain closes for the end of the first half.
The orchestra tunes up and plays a medley. The triplets display another sign: Tableau of Jewels. James Burroughs sings offscreen [Tableau of Jewels], while a tableau displays costumes by Erté. scantily-clad Carla Laemmle dances. The scene changes to the undersea world of Neptune, leading to a skit called ‘Dance of the Sea,’ with Buster Keaton in drag.
Jack Benny introduces Gus Edwards, who sings [Lon Chaney Will Get You If You Don’t Watch Out] and is joined by dancing ghouls. Benny then introduces an acrobatic dance number with the Natova company, [Turkish Adagio] which he interrupts occasionally with commentary.
Benny introduces Norma Shearer and John Gilbert in the balcony scene from Romeo and Juliet. Director Lionel Barrymore receives a letter from the New York office saying Romeo and Juliet is old fashioned and they want it modernized. Shearer and Gilbert perform the scene again using modern slang.
The triplets hold a sign introducing ‘Singing [sic] in the Rain’. Cliff Edwards sings to his own ukulele accompaniment [Singin’ in the Rain] and the chorus dances in the rain. Then the Brox Sisters take up the song.
Jack Benny introduces Gus Edwards, Charles King and ‘Ukulele Ike’. [Charlie, Ike and Gus]. The triplets introduce ‘The Italian Trio’ and Charlie, Ike and Gus reappear as Italians (with Cliff Edwards in drag). [The Italian Trio].
Benny introduces five lovely girls: Bessie Love, Marie Dressler and Polly Moran. [Marie, Polly and Bess]. In the middle of this skit, Moran breaks away. [Sonny Boy]. Marie, Polly, Bess, Charlie, Ike and Gus sing. [The Fountain in the Park].
Charles King sings to Myrtle McLaughlin. [Orange Blossom Time]. The Albertin Rasch troupe dances.
Finally, most of the cast gathers for a reprise. [Singin’ in the Rain].
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